RickSpace

Someone who commented on my last post stated that it would be interesting indeed to hear the story of my becoming a Christian from the background of a liberal.  Before we go ANY further, let me state 100% clearly that I in no way think being a liberal and being a Christian are mutually exclusive.  There are beliefs and practices that some liberals as well as some conservatives embrace that are against the Christian message, but Christianity is not about beliefs, practices or merely a message.

1.	the quality or state of being liberal, as in behavior or attitude.

2.

a political or social philosophy advocating the freedom of the individual, parliamentary systems of government, nonviolent modification of political, social, or economic institutions to assure unrestricted development in all spheres of human endeavor, and governmental guarantees of individual rights and civil liberties.

3.	(sometimes initial capital letter) the principles and practices of a liberal party in politics.

I left off the 4th definition because it speaks directly to a movement within the Protestant church from the 19th century, and this is the wrong definition/context and would only be confusing.  If you want to see that definition, just click here.

I refer mostly to my political leaning at the time which resulted in social practices and ideals similar to definition of #2 above.  Freedom and civil liberties and individual rights only meant to me that I could drink and say whatever I wanted to whomever I wanted.  I had the freedom to live my life as I wanted.  Politically I believed that all things could be talked through and that Bush was ‘teh debbil’.  Socially I believed that people had the right to do to their bodies what they wanted, and to live whatever lifestyle they wanted.  Economically I felt we had the responsibility to provide for and carry if necessary the less fortunate souls.  To me, being a ‘liberal’ was about those political, social and economic views plus the feeling that I was free to do as I choose and everyone would surely go to heaven because whatever supreme being was out there surely was completely good and forgiving…. or non-existent; either way, there was nothing to fetter my actions so I could do as I pleased.

I lived my life like this and was utterly and completely unhappy.  I had all the freedom in the world and yet was trapped by my belief that this world was all there was… so what if I could have everything in this world, if I didn’t get to carry my high score on to the next round?  I rarely ever pondered this sort of thing, but deep down, this was (I am fairly certain) a source of depression for me.  Outwardly everything was good… it’s easy when you are living an easy life, and doing whatever you want, to seem very fulfilled and happy.  Part of doing what I wanted was going to Germany for a semester of college (my second to last semester) so that I could experience the cultures of Europe and consume as much foreign beer as possible.  And I did.  A lot.

There were some other things going on as well between myself, an ex-girlfriend and a new interest and I won’t go into details but I am big enough to admit that I was horribly deceitful and I hurt two people who, despite what I may have felt at the time, didn’t deserve the treatment they received from me.  I am not proud of who I was at the time, but the experiences I had during that time were crucial in tearing me down in the long run; and later, realizing I was torn down and deserved it was a struggle I had.  Near the end of my trip to Germany, I began seeking Biblical advice from a Christian friend… we spent many late nights (late night in Germany, not sure in the US) talking about Bible verses, issues I had with Christianity, etc…

I got back from Germany, started to feel at home again and began partying once more… worse.  I still spoke to my friend regarding the Bible but a large majority of my time was spent attacking it, attacking him and, as it were, attacking God.  It was during this time that I met a quiet, mostly-introverted young lady that my good friend dragged out of her dorm room for a late night meeting at the local greasy spoon.  I couldn’t stop looking at here and apparently, made her a little uneasy (she later told me she wondered if she had something on her face, or if I was just creepy).  We didn’t speak much, but I made it a point to find out multiple ways of getting in touch with her, and I began my efforts to deceive her into thinking I was cool (I was a computer science major who was 4 years older than her… I didn’t have a whole lot going for me).  Then…. my afore-mentioned friend told me she was a Christian… and not just a Christian… the WORST TYPE of Christian… one who actually believed there was a man named Jesus that lived and died for her sins, and that by trusting in him, she actually had some form of God inside of her… and she talked about it… and defended it… And… and… I mean, she REALLY believed it.  GAAAAAAAAH!!!!  If I wanted to date her, I KNEW she was going to make me stop drinking, hanging out with the friends I hung out with, cursing, and partaking in all the other activities I enjoyed… TOTALLY not worth it… right?  Right?

Shaina Kristine Murray became Shaina Kristine Petersen on December 20th 2003 and gave me something I knew I didn’t deserve… herself.  My wife had not preached to me, berated me, had fielded hundreds if not thousands of pointed attacks against her faith and sadly against her.  My wife didn’t force me to stop doing anything, but I knew it bothered her.  She prayed for me… she was praying for me before we ever met, she prayed for me while we dated, were engaged, were married, until I became a Christian and I believe she still does to this day.  She is far too good for me and it made no sense that she was in my life but I loved her as best I knew how.

It meant a lot to her that we go to Church and I honestly didn’t mind it; sometimes the music was nice, and every couple sermons, the pastor would say something I agreed with… so, I went with her.  She also wanted to read the Bible together, and I saw no reason not to at least read some… would give me more ammunition.  I particularly remember throwing a tantrum because different translations have different words in them… well, which words were the right ones?  I mean… How can you base your faith on a book that can’t even agree with itself when read/translated by multiple people!?  But I read with her; she continued praying; I continued living as I wished.

I started to realize that my wife was different than the ‘Christians’ who had driven me away from the church.  She was not condescending, she was not judgmental, she was not hypocritical; she was loving and caring and she seemed to have infinite patience with my failures… I gave her plenty of opportunities to lose her patience.  She loved me with a love that I could not understand and it scared me that I had missed something.  So I told myself that I would not believe the Bible unless I felt the Bible was worth believing… for all I knew, it was a collection of stories that had been modified by rulers to control people, and there was not an ounce of truth to it.  So I started reading.

Lee Strobel’s Case for Christ points out in great detail the proofs for the uniqueness of the Bible.  I will not even attempt to scratch the surface here because the book does a fantastic job and I would fall short.  When I wanted more details on certain proofs for the authentic God-inspired authority and uniqueness of the Bible, I turned to More Evidence that Demands a Verdict.  Both of these books are written by Christians… true.  I doubt you’re going to find much literature that spends any amount of time trying to prove or disprove the Bible that isn’t biased one way or the other.  Strobel takes the common arguments against the Bible and debunks them one at a time using both Christian and secular experts in the fields involved in each of the attacks… it is impressive.  Both authors, I believe, started as non-Christians with a mission to authoritatively prove the Bible false and when they failed, gave their lives to Christ.  Anyway, reading through those, I became incredibly convinced that the Bible was special, was the word of God and was untarnished through the years… that was quite a hefty conclusion and I didn’t come to it lightly, but I have no doubt the prayers of my wife, my mother, my sister and my Christian friends helped me through that time.

Believing the Bible was truly what Christians and the Bible itself claimed it to be was just a first step; now I had to know what the Bible actually said.  Shaina and I continued reading the Bible but I began paying attention and thinking about what was being read.  I didn’t like what I heard and most of it didn’t apply to me anyway so who cared; I mean, I was a good guy… I didn’t make a habit of lying, hurting people… I didn’t steal anything, never had killed anyone and wouldn’t dream of committing adultery.  I was living well, and I had even toned down the cursing and drinking a little.  The Bible said Jesus was the way to salvation and forgiveness but surely I didn’t need that.

Continuing to read the Bible, read books like Mere Christianity by CS Lewis, and going to church with my wife was beginning to take its toll… oh, and we found out we were pregnant!  I was going to be a dad.  Good thing I had everything together, right?  I did find that I was attacking Christianity less often and defending it more frequently… I was starting to understand that Christianity was not a building, a belief, a practice, a view or a group of people but a relationship between a person and his or her creator, completely undeserved but free for the having, made available only through the sacrificial death of the creator’s son on the cross.  The REASON Christ had to die, the reason that ‘worked’, and the details of the salvation of the cross are the topic for countless sermons so I won’t get into that either, but I understood enough to realize that those bad experiences I had had with Christians before were because I was evaluating Christ based upon the actions of his followers which is not right.  I needed to know what Christ told his followers to do and what he asked of them so that I would know if they were acting on his behalf when doing horrible things, or falling short of glory of God.  The answer was, of course, that they were falling short as can be expected of humans. 

I never felt truly GUILTY and convicted that I was a bad person… but I did become able to admit that I had done some rotten things in my past and that those things needed to be forgiven or punished… I didn’t know what was keeping me from accepting Christ as my savior… but something was making it impossible for me to take the plunge.  Then one night, I was online… speaking to an internet friend… a young lady in Australia whom I have never met but had spoken with countless times through instant message, email, and over internet phones.  She said she had been a Christian, had been to church, but didn’t really know anymore… she was turned off by her old churches being too liturgical and too focused on structure and writ and less on a personal relationship with Christ… she knew she was lacking that but didn’t know where to find it.  I searched the internet around her area and was recommending churches she could try (based upon their statements of belief and mission statements from their webpages being Biblically based) and was at the same time explaining to her the Gospel message which she had really never heard… I was passionately defending the factual nature of Christ’s life, death, burial and resurrection and was trying to get her to at least go to one of the churches and talk to someone; that could do no harm.  I realized I was fully convinced of Christ’s death and the necessity thereof.  I was fully accepting of the need for surrender and I had a deep burning passion to share this with others and make sure they understood as well.  While I don’t believe it necessary, I got on my knees, face to the ground and I asked Christ to do for me what he had done for so many before me and for him to give me what they had.  I knew I had done things wrong, and I knew I was still doing things wrong, and I knew that my stubbornness was doing nothing but damaging me… I won’t say that the ceiling opened and angels sung and light shined down and I felt a burden lifted and all that… that is how it is for some but for me it was quite different because God knew what I needed.

I started noticing more and more parts of my life that were not pleasing to God, and I started fixing them.  No more drinking.  No more cursing.  No more hateful comments.  Perverse humor started slipping away.  I began to love my wife more than I had ever before understood how; I may not have thought it possible, but I looked back and realized that apart from God’s convictions in my heart, I could have strayed from my wife… I could have done that which would have killed me.  The child growing in my wife’s womb needed a strong father and I was not strong.  I had few convictions, I would do what would make the situation the most comfortable at the time, and often that got me into tough situations… I was… weasely is the only word I can think of.  But now… now I had strength that was not my own but it was mine to use. 

It was not an overnight transformation but I quickly became something I was not and could not have been before.  To this day, I continue to look for ways in which I can put God first, my wife before all others and continue to seek to do His will… That sounds cliche, but it is how I feel; if God told me tomorrow that Africa is where I’m supposed to be, and flight 5230 is the flight I am supposed to be on, and not to worry about a ticket, he will provide… I would go.  God does not give us more than we can handle, and does not put us in a position where He will not provide.
Knowing that, how can you be anything but courageous?

So, that is how I went from what I consider to be a liberal to a Christian.  Now, politically I’m FAR more conservative… more conservative than most conservatives in congress nowadays anyway.  Socially conservative.  Economically conservative.  But, conservative is not the most important tag I wear, hence not “Liberal to Enthusiastic Conservative Father”.  God made his son to become flesh to die so that I could live; the least I can do is live for Him.